Through each trial, unbelievable failure, every disappointment and through all my heartaches, I have still found a way to keep my head up and my heart open. I still believe that there is good in the world. And I still believe there are good people in the world. And I still know that God is good.
There were so many times when I wanted to shut down, build high walls and disappear behind them. My trust level was definitely minus zero. But I knew that would never make me truly happy. But I would love to feel safe from harm. But once again, I know that is not the answer. Hiding from the pain and hurt will never set you free.
It’s a hard thing to understand why some things don’t work out and why some things do. When you have held on to hope for so long, but it never happens. It is disheartening. You can lose your passion for everything. Discouragement and depression can overwhelm you.
There was a time when I spent so much time staring at the closed doors that I wanted so badly to walk through that I didn’t see the new doors opening right beside them. My focus would be on what I lost and not what I gained. It was like quicksand to me.
But when I finally started embracing change and trying to understand my journey better. That’s when everything started to change for me. I released and forgave. I allowed myself to begin to heal.
Maybe I didn’t always immediately get why things happened or the lessons that I was meant to learn, but with patience, I began to make peace with the bad stuff. I began to accept the new path and walk in it. I began to let go of the past.
I didn’t let it make me bitter or resentful anymore, because the only person that hurt was me.
And I was done with holding on to the hurt. I was done crying over the disappointments. I was done with the wondering whys.
I knew that if I wanted to be happy- truly happy, I would have to grow stronger, wiser and happier with each passing day. No matter how hard that was. When people left or let me down, I let it be a lesson to be learned, and not a wound that did not heal.
Do I still have bad days that make me want to curl up in bed and cry? Of course I do.
Do I still get my feelings hurt by people or feel rejected or unaccepted?
Absolutely.
But now, I don’t take everything personally and I try to learn from the experiences that life gives me.
I know now that life will never be perfect and that there will still be storms and hateful people, but I’ve learned to take it all in stride. I do not let it consume my mind and heart.
I enjoy the victories, no matter how small. I could have grown cold and angry from all the things and people that hurt me, but I am better than that.
I dug deep, found out who I was and grew courageous instead. Brave enough to face my shortcomings, strong enough to endure the hard days and determined enough to never quit.
I still make mistakes and things still go wrong, but now, I move forward. I dry my tears more quickly. I ride up more fervently. I forgive with our regret.
After all, it’s me versus me, and no matter what, I’m coming out ahead every time.I am More than a Conqueror!
I pray that you feel the same way!! I pray that you cross that threshold from pain to gain. I pray that your heart heals. I pray that you feel free enough to tear down some of the walls you have built. I pray that you start living in freedom.